Mental Floss: Whine Enthusiast

When was the defining moment when I considered myself a world-class whine enthusiast? There have been obvious moments in my life where I've raised the bar and my voice to a nasally annoying tone never-before heard in order to get what I wanted.

Like the time when my wife wouldn't put out. Well, it was our wedding night and I'd lubed up my anus and everything!

Like the time when I only got a promotion 3 levels above my level of competency. Hey, I'd been licking that guy's taint for a year and I only got a Benz as a Christmas bonus!

Like the time in college when I had to abuse the TA for docking me a point for plagiarism. The nerve of that guy! Killing that hobo and framing the TA for his death was maybe a little over the top, but nobody will miss either of them.

With a annoying tone and attuned complaint, I have recognized my own sphincteresque annoyingness and used it for personal gain. I licked my share of taint before learning how to be the tainted and not the taintee. Now it's my time!

Happy Foddor's Day

When you touched me there, this is how it made me feel.

Aural Sex: Air Supply

When I need to chill, you just know what's in the old 8-track player.

Raise the volume to 11 -
we've got a 1-way ticket to heaven.

Parking lot zombies

You've seen 'em. The seemingly lifeless drones wandering aimlessly through your work parking lot at the end of the day, furrowing their brows in a desperate attempt to find their cars. Some say that these people are the problem. That if they're not bright enough to find their cars, then they probably can't do their jobs properly.

But they're wrong.

I hire these people. These are the people who've given so much to their jobs that day that they've totally annihilated their personal memories and thoughts. These are the get-it-ers! I hand out my business card to every zombie I see and say call me! My team is full of them.

And in spite of what others think, I don't believe that these zombies will one day rise up and overthrow me. Zombies feast on brains, another reason I'm not personally worred about my safety.

Mental Floss: Validation

"Don't stop-"

And with that, a tv series I never really cared for ended. The Sopranos was a cult phenomenon, but it didn't have enough depth for me. But at least it ended by getting at least one thing right:

The tune!

Some have said that my musical tastes are hate crimes in song form. That they should be buried in the sequin-laced bellbottoms they were conceived in. But now we see who's been right all these years. F**k you Johnny Appleton! You pinned me against the locker and made me pee my pants for a wrong belief! Eat me Beth-Sue Willkins! You wouldn't go out with me because I was a cheeseheaded, pimple-faced, queerrock-listenening dweeb? Who's laughing now?

"Dont stop believin
Hold on to the feelin
Streetlight people" INDEED!

Profiles in Courage: Me

Sorry for the light posting. I promised myself I wouldn't do another stint in a Tijunana prison. But I just had to have it!!!